First Job Jitters? A Graduate's Guide to Receiving Feedback Like a Leader

SoftSkillingIt Insight: Feedback isn't criticism, it is the single fastest way to accelerate your career, but only if you learn to manage the human instinct to get defensive.

Introduction: Why Feedback is Your Most Valuable Career Asset
If your heart races or you immediately start formulating an argument when a manager says, "Can we talk about your recent project?", you're not alone. Our brains are wired to see critical feedback as a threat, triggering a defensive, fight-or-flight response.

But for you, mastering this skill is not optional; it is a requirement for establishing credibility. Employers consistently report that recent graduates struggle to accept and apply constructive criticism.

Here is the truth: in the professional world, feedback is a pathway to development and it shows someone is invested in your growth.

At SoftSkillingIt, we teach that moving past defensiveness is simply a matter of learning a simple, accessible process. Let's break down the practical strategies you can use to stay open, analytical, and ready to act, whether you are giving the feedback or receiving it.

Part 1: The Art of Receiving Feedback (Stop the Defensiveness)

Your goal when receiving feedback is to gather data, not to defend your actions. The moment you become defensive, you shut down the learning process and signal a lack of maturity. Use this three-step framework that we teach you in ‘Session 4, Module 2: Mastering Active Listening and Feedback’ to stay grounded and turn critique into clarity:

Step 1: Engage Your Analytical Brain (The "5-Second Rule")

When the feedback starts, resist the urge to interrupt or explain. Your body might feel physical stress; acknowledge it, then shift your focus entirely to listening.

The SoftSkillingIt Practice: When the person finishes, count to five in your head before speaking. This pause separates the emotional reaction from the analytical response. Use this time to internalise the phrase: “This is information for my future success.” This pause also allows you to process the subtext, what is not being said but is critical to understanding the issue.

Step 2: Seek Clarity, Not Vindication (Ask Strategic Questions)

Defensiveness often stems from misunderstanding or feeling targeted. Instead of arguing why you did something, use Active Listening to ask questions that understand the impact and the desired future behaviour.

 Key Questions to Ask:

• "What was the specific action or behaviour you observed?" (Keeps it focused on a data point.)
• "What was the impact of that behaviour on the team/project?" (Shows you care about the result.)
• "If I were to approach this again, what is one thing you recommend I do differently?" (Focuses on a solution-oriented action.)

Step 3: Thank and Commit (Close the Loop)

Always end the conversation by expressing genuine gratitude. You don't have to agree with every point, but you must acknowledge the effort and time invested in your development.

Actionable Closing: "Thank you for sharing that. I now understand that consistency is key here. I am going to focus on [Specific Action Point, e.g., double-checking my data sources before hitting send] in the next project. I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this. I’d also really appreciate it if we could catch up in a few weeks time to see if you have noticed an improvement, and in the meantime I’d really value any other feedback or advice."

By staying curious and analytical, you shift the dynamic from a perceived attack on your competence to a constructive dialogue about a specific, correctable behaviour.

Part 2: The Skill of Giving Constructive Feedback (Make It Land)

When you are the one delivering feedback (even to a peer on a group project), your goal is to make it easy for the other person to hear and act on your words. A great piece of constructive feedback focuses on behaviour, not personality.

Use the SBI Framework

The gold standard for delivering objective feedback is the Situation-Behaviour-Impact (SBI) Model. It removes judgment and focuses purely on observable facts, which is essential when building trust as a new professional.

Follow Up with a Future-Focused Question

After using the SBI model, do not leave the person to guess the solution. Instead, ask a question that drives them toward self-correction and a committed action plan.

Instead of: "Don't leave things to the last minute next time." Try: "Moving forward, what is one strategy you can put in place to ensure you can flag any potential delays to the team before the final huddle?"

This small shift empowers them to solve the problem and shows you are interested in a solution-oriented partnership, not just placing blame.

SoftSkillingIt: Your Partner in Developing Soft Skills 

Mastering how to give and receive feedback is one of the skills to master for professional development. It builds emotional intelligence, strengthens relationships, and is an indication of leadership potential.

Stop viewing feedback as a threat, and start seeing it as the tool that guarantees you stand out from the thousands of other graduates.

Ready to move beyond defensiveness and truly unlock your potential in the workplace?